Worship in Times of Death

Knox-Metropolitan United Church

8307 – 109 Street, Edmonton

439-1718

knoxmet@telusplanet.net

www.knox-met.org

 

Please tuck this information away so that it can be retrieved should you need it for your family or neighbors. Copies are available from church staff, and it can be found on our website. If you have made plans for your loved ones to use following your own death, you might place a copy with those plans.

 

Knox-Metropolitan United Church is a caring community of faith, our members committed to walking with each other and our neighbours in joyful times, and in times of sadness and loss. We celebrate life in all its fullness, including life at its end. Our members and staff are available for pastoral care when you have experienced death of a friend or family member, whether or not you are a congregation member.

 

Our church is available for funerals, (worship services with a casket present) and memorial services (worship services with cremated remains or no remains). Our worship and music staff will help you plan, and provide leadership for such a service, whether in the church or in a funeral home. Worship in times of death may provide you and all who participate with an opportunity to:

-                       cope with death, and try to comprehend it;

-                       respond to death in meaningful, caring ways;

-                       recall memories of the person who has died with stories and symbols;

-                       learn and experience a vision of the holy that strengthens us;

-                       accept each other (including our different traditions and generations), and the feelings that we bring, as we set out to respond to the grief that each person experiences.

 

What to do when a death happens. When you are worried that a death is imminent or if death has happened, please contact our ministry personnel at the church or, outside of normal business hours, at their home telephone numbers available on the church’s recorded telephone message. A death can leave us feeling exhausted, in disbelief, and barely able to function. Therefore, while such plans as date and time for a funeral or memorial service may be taken care of without delay, it is advisable to attend to your own rest and self care, however briefly, before planning the details of a service.

 

The funeral or memorial service. Worship in our United Church tradition is typically musical, reflective, and prayerful. We value story, both biblical and personal. Most people who gather in times of death come listening for stories of the one who has died, and so we ask you to incorporate a storytelling, or eulogy time. You may want to give some thought to whom you might ask to lead this. That person should be able to seek out stories from others ahead of time (for example, while gathered together around the living room or kitchen table) and compile them into a seven to ten minute verbal presentation. Most people consider it an honour to be asked to do a eulogy, though it is also understandable that any person may also feel unable to accept.

 

In keeping with our convictions around inclusiveness, we seek to use language, action and symbols that are meaningful for everyone, including children. At least some hymns used in the service should be understandable and meaningful in language and theology for young people, and people who may not be familiar with church customs. Our music resources are rich in such selections. We discourage the use of recorded music in our worship.

 

Please consider ways to include members of your family or circle of friends in leadership roles. Some people might like to sing, play instrumental music, or read scripture, poetry, etc. Even very young people find it meaningful to light a candle. Others may feel comfortable greeting people at the church door, or ushering them to their seats. In the case of cremation, someone may feel honoured to carry the urn into or from the worship space.  Once again, however, it is understandable that any person may not want to participate in a leadership way, and that desire needs to be honoured.

Music and singing. Singing is uplifting, and can be an important way for people to participate. Memorial and funeral services typically have three hymns at most, a solo or anthem and, often, short instrumental transitions. In festive seasons such as Christmas we encourage you to consider at least one seasonal hymn or carol. A choir is sometimes present to strengthen singing. You may have friends or family who would like to join the choir for the service.

 

At Knox-Metropolitan, depending on singing traditions in the families involved, we often begin funerals and memorial services with a short hymn singing time. Our Music Director is available for music leadership and accompaniment.

 

The services of funeral home staff are normally required at a funeral, when a casket is present. They are welcome, though usually not required, at memorial services. If a funeral home is helping you, we ask that you provide our ministry staff with the name of the company and their staff person as soon as you have this information.

 

Following the service. At Knox-Metropolitan a reception almost always follows the service. Our theology recognizes the Christ in gathered community, in the food that we share, and in the care that we provide for each other. This is also a time to display photographs, a video and special memorabilia. Our ministry staff can provide you with contact information for our reception coordinators.

 

Interment of remains. When ashes or remains are interred in cemeteries, this may happen before or after the service, but usually not between the service and the reception.

 

Many, whose memorials are held in our church, arrange for their ashes to be placed in our Memorial Garden at the side of the church. A small nameplate is displayed inside the front entrance of the church. (Our Memorial Garden is not a registered cemetery, and, though the congregation is committed to it, we cannot guarantee that it will always remain in place and in use as it is presently.) In the recent past we have discovered the blessedness of special Sunday morning services in the warmer seasons to remember those whose ashes are in the Memorial Garden, and we make every effort to contact and invite families.

 

Costs.

 

In all cases there is a charge for the services of our part time music director and custodian:

 

Music Director: $150.00

Security: $90.00

 

Reception: The family will be charged for the cost of food (unless the family provides it), and there is a service charge based on the number of persons attending.

 

Ministry staff: Sometimes we are asked what is customary. We have found that people usually give about two hundred dollars. Our ministry staff deposit honoraria into the congregation’s Special Projects Account, which they administer and use for such things as certain staff expenses, continuing education, and gifts to United Church places of learning.

 

Donation for the maintenance of the church: The church building is maintained through the financial gifts of the congregation’s financially contributing households, and so there is no cost to them for the use of the church building for funerals and memorial services. However, it is appropriate for non-financially contributing families to make a donation to the church in addition to the above costs.

 

Memorial Gifts. People often want to make a memorial gift to a worthy cause in the name of the one who has died. We ask you to consider the Mission and Service Fund of The United Church of Canada (www.united-church.ca), or Knox-Metropolitan United Church earmarked “in memory of (name),” among other causes that may be important to you.

 

March 28, 2008